Thursday, January 30, 2014

When is it time to rematch? and is it necessary...

Even when we don’t have enough information about the ‘real’ problem with your au pair, the action steps are the same:
1. Check your expectations,
2. Talk candidly with each other, and
3. Give each other a chance to change.

1. Check your expectations.
Look back at the information you have about your au pair when you matched. Were you clear about what you needed? Did she mention she preferred older kids? Is there some information that you understand differently, now that she’s in your home? There may be some clues there.
Then, I’d suggest you contact your AreaDirector (That would be me, that is what I am here for!).  Describe the problem and ask for your area director’s advice and help. S/he may have intell and tactics that will help you craft your path.

2. Talk candidly with each other.
Do have a talk with your Au Pair about what kind of interaction you want her to have with your child. Ask her what her ideas are about what to do, and really talk to her.  You have to do this kind of difficult conversation anyway if you go into rematch, since it’s only fair to make a good faith effort… and in this case, you and she could really learn how to talk with each other, parent to au pair, and build skills for the long term.

3. Give each other a chance to change.
It’s important not to dive into a rematch without making a good faith effort to change, yourself, and without giving your au pair time to adjust her behavior. Do not throw in the towel too soon. Often times it is a communication issue and you need to give it time.
Only after you take these 3 steps should you move — emotionally and behaviorally– into rematch.
You’re unlikely to find a better au pair unless you analyze what you really want and what else and different you should look for.

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